The Curious Incident of @NiceGuyBrianG

A warning before you read further – this entry deals with rape and though it’s not graphic, it’s unpleasant all the same.

A person calling himself @NiceGuyBrianG got into a conversation about rape on twitter. His rape-positive views attracted a lot of criticism, so much so that he changed his username and then deleted the compromising tweets to escape the attention. What strikes me the most is that he never backpedalled at all, no matter how many outraged people tried to reason with him.

I wish I had taken screen caps for proof that I’m not pulling these quotes out of my hat, but at least I had the chance to  copy-paste some of his pro-rape arguments before he deleted them. If you search his username on twitter, you can still see some of the aftermath, even though the original tweets are gone.

I haven’t changed anything in his tweets, not even to correct typos, but I have put together some thoughts that he had divided into two or more tweets because of the character limit, but I haven’t manipulated his tweets in any way to make him look bad. He doesn’t need any help in that.

I wanted to discuss those tweets but it’s impossible to do it properly on twitter, so I’m doing it here. Let’s start with this one:

@NiceGuyBrianG: “Sometimes wives/gf’s just need to lie down and let the man do it. It doesn’t hurt if they don’t resist.”

Okay, there are a couple of things wrong with that kind of thinking.

Firstly, Brian clearly thinks of himself as a nice guy but judging by that statement, he is lacking in empathy, at least when it comes to women. Perhaps he’s not a sociopath as some tweeters suggested, but he is very unthinking. Somehow he has failed to grasp that women are thinking and feeling human beings.

Also, that thought reveals him to be selfish – what he wants is more important to him than what she wants – but selfishness is not as disturbing as the implication that he doesn’t see women as human beings whose feelings are at least as valuable as his sexual needs.

A woman lying down while the man “does it” is not love-making, and in my opinion, it’s not even sex (because sex implies interaction). If the woman is just staying still, waiting for it to be over, the man is not having sex with her, he’s masturbating, using the woman as a masturbatory tool with no concern for what she wants. Anyone capable of the slightest amount of empathy will realise how damaging that is to a person’s feelings. It simply is not acceptable to think of women (or men) as sex toys. There are very life-like sex dolls for that purpose and they have the added benefit that they don’t have opinions of their own. Men who can’t tell the difference between a woman and an inflatable doll should stick to the latter.

@NiceGuyBrianG: girlfriends should give it up when asked. if they don’t then ‘morally’ i’m fine with taking it

He says he’s not a rapist or even a rape apologist, but that right there is rape. He argues with people about the definition of rape but it’s really quite simple: if the girl doesn’t want to “give it up” but he “takes it” nonetheless, it’s rape and there’s just no way to justify it.

@NiceGuyBrianG: morally, i would say that once a woman commits to the act she should finish, short of trauma or a medical reason – just changing your mind on a whim is bang wrong imo

Okay, here he shows again that he doesn’t care about women’s thoughts or feelings. He speaks of “changing your mind on a whim” but usually those “whims” don’t come out of nowhere, like a flash of lightning from a clear blue sky! Perhaps the woman is in pain?

@NiceGuyBrianG: but being in pain is not the same as ‘changing your mind’ on a whim. which is what i have a prob with

Again, there are no whims. Even sudden decisions have a motive. Perhaps the woman is upset with the man for one reason or another? Or if it’s casual sex, maybe she is having second thoughts about her choice of partner? Perhaps she never intended to go beyond a certain point with that man, on that particular occasion? Perhaps the man did something to put the woman off? Perhaps the woman remembered some unpleasant thing that put her off the mood?

The point is, it doesn’t matter why the woman changes her mind, she has the right to do so, same as the man. I bet this nice guy doesn’t expect to be forced to have sex when he doesn’t want to, with someone he doesn’t want to do it with? Why is it so hard for some men to grasp that human rights apply to women – because you know, they’re humans? And as such, they have the right to autonomy over their bodies. That means the woman gets to decide what happens to her body.

There are more rape positive arguments from the same guy but it’s late and this is getting long, so I’m going to leave the rest for another day. I just have to say, by way of wrapping this up, that I really thought this kind of thinking had died out 50 years ago. Stumbling on these tweets was a nasty surprise. Dear human race… I think we can do better than that!


About inmyinternest

A thirty-something woman, watching the world turn
This entry was posted in Feminism, Human Rights, Men, Rape, Women and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to The Curious Incident of @NiceGuyBrianG

  1. CrimeDime says:

    Wow, that is really disturbing – and it sounds like he had no idea it was socially unacceptable to think, write, or act that way.

  2. I know… you’d think that the hundreds of angry replies (and even death threats) would have made him wonder if there was a reason why people were getting so upset. But no, he remained calm and collected, never lashed back. He just tweeted even more disturbing things to justify his views, and he often said he wasn’t ashamed of his opinion.

  3. bobaverage says:

    A fantastic and level headed piece. I was reading so-called @niceguybriang’s tweets as he tweeted them, and it was hard to resist getting into an argument with him.

    Would it be all right if I linked to this blog in one I’m currently writing on the consequences of saying controversial things on twitter? Here’s my WordPress:

    • I’m glad you liked it, and I’m especially pleased to hear you think it’s level headed! I was worried it would come across too confrontational, and I didn’t want to attack the person, only his opinions. It’s difficult to keep a cool head with such a subject, so I had to wait for a while before writing about it.

      I know, it was really hard to resist getting into a twitter argument with him, but I managed to stay out of it. For one thing, tweets are too short for justifying your opinions properly, so I don’t think I could have accomplished anything. And then, getting into arguments on twitter is a good way to make yourself look bad, even if you are right.

      Go ahead and link, I’d be flattered!

  4. Pingback: More of @NiceGuyBrianG | inmyinternest

  5. Pingback: A Martyr for Twitter « Bob Average

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