In the earlier post I talked about some of @NiceGuyBrianG’s tweets but there’s more from where that came from. This is not pleasant reading or up-lifting to think about, and possibly not suitable for young people, but it’s important to be aware of these things. Up until now I have dealt with misogyny by pretending it doesn’t exist and hoping it will eventually go away if I just ignore it. But it’s not going away, is it? Instead of fading away and being forgotten as a thing of the past, misogyny is rearing its head in the Western world, as some recent events, such as the Limbaugh Fluke, shows:
Until lately I have dismissed such news with a shrug and an eye-roll, “those wacky Americans!” But it’s not just the Americans. Misogyny is a global problem that needs to be recognised, even if I happen to live in a corner of the world where anti-woman views are already widely condemned. But even here we have our share of religious extremists and reactionaries who would rather see the society go back to the 50s, or to the Victorian era if possible.
That’s why, once again, I will give you the views of Brian, 25, and try to explain why he is wrong. Here we go:
@NiceGuyBrianG: “rape is repugnant. the act of forcefully finishing sex with a recalcitrant wife/partner is *not rape*”
Sex requires mutual consent. If there’s no consent, it’s rape. It may not be the worst kind of rape but it’s still rape. Consent can be withdrawn at any time, for any reason. I explained why in the previous post; the feelings involved, basic human rights, autonomy over one’s body and all that. Let’s not forget that women are not sex toys but conscious and self-aware human beings who have reasons for their actions and who have the right to decide what happens to their bodies.
@NiceGuyBrianG: “saying stop after the guy is already committed is the worst kind of cuntery. i can understand why some guys get carried away”
Well, sometimes people misinterpret each other’s signals in social situations, sexual and otherwise. Deal with it. Flirting wouldn’t be much fun if you had to make an explicit agreement beforehand about how far each party is willing to go. That would eliminate the whole point of flirting.
My advise to men who find themselves victim to “the worst kind of cuntery” is to go into all sexually charged situations well prepared for the eventuality that things might not go the way you want them to go. I know it’s frustrating but even a three-year-old understands that you can’t always get what you want! Why should we expect any less from adult men?
@NiceGuyBrianG: ” she should not enter a relationship if not sexually willing. it’s not the be all and end all, but it’s an important factor – it doesn’t need to be explicitly stated anywhere. it is implicitly stated in the very act of getting married. that is consent”
So… agreeing to enter a relationship is an automatic agreement to have sex at any time? If this was coming from an old man, I could just shrug and say the poor codger is stuck in the past, but this is the opinion of Brian, 25.
Okay, no, that’s not what being in a relationship means. I’m going to have to spell it out, aren’t I? Well: getting married, or agreeing to see someone on a regular basis means that you like the person, maybe even love them, and you have decided you want to be with them for quite a while.
At first, if you have good chemistry, both of you will probably want to have a lot of sex but no one can promise to be always and forever in the mood. Sex drive is a fickle thing, it waxes and wanes. As sexually willing as the woman is, she does so have the right to refrain from sex when it doesn’t appeal to her. Again, thinking and feeling human being, free will and all… right? Remember, a woman is much more complicated than a sex toy. It goes without saying but men also have the right to not be in the mood.
Of course, there’s nothing to stop you from trying to make your partner change his or her mind about not wanting sex, but it should be done by seducing, not coercing. There’s a difference.
@NiceGuyBrianG: “you don’t have to be always ready to go but on the occassions that it is asked for it should be given. that’s *part* of a relationship.”
Oooh, I like that one! Hoo boy! So… the woman doesn’t always have to be ready to go! Only when the man wants it! lol! That’s a relief! Never mind what the woman wants, of course…
I wonder if this poor bloke realises how funny his arguments are, when spelled out? Except that it’s not really funny when a man thinks he has the right to do what he pleases to women, because he can.
Right. I think that’s about enough for one time, but Brian has provided us with some more pro-rape arguments that I want to discuss, including victim blaming and natural law. Interesting stuff.
I wonder if I’m doing a good enough job at justifying my views? You see, I’m so used to taking it for granted that women are human beings just like men, and that women’s opinions, wants, thoughts and feelings are just as valid and important as men’s, that it feels ridiculous having to spell out why. But clearly it is necessary to spell out why. Otherwise men like Brian will not be convinced.
- The Curious Incident of @NiceGuyBrianG (inmyinternest.wordpress.com)
- The Misogyny Bubble (motherjones.com)
- Oops, I Raped You – Sorry About That (rapeinfo.wordpress.com)